so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
