he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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