I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
