You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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