Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
