next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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