You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
