I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
