and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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