The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
