VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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