Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
