we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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