News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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