I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My vagina is very pro this idea
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
