i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
