I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize