I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
