i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
