remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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