I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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