i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.