normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.