OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
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I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.