I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.