He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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