john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
