I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize