Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
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