was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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