I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
