I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Drake has all the answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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