I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
