you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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