He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think I sprained my soul last night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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