Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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