She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
