apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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