I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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