Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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