dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
