We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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