God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
