And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
