That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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