I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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