so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
