I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
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literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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