I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
