So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
