College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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