Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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