i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
