Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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