I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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