somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
