If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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