that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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