Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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