I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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