Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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