and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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