I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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